Weightless

Weightless. Weightless is how I want to go into the new year. Its kind of silly to me that I'm putting so much meaning behind why I cut my hair, because honestly, 99.9% of my hair decisions are made because I'm impulsive and don’t care. It’s just hair. I’ve cut my hair short before, but this chop just feels a bit more meaningful. Again, a part of me feels silly for even writing this because the main reason I cut I­t­ was because I was just bored with it­ and wanted something new. But as the days of 2017 are running out and I’ve begun to reflect on this past year, my haircut truly embodies how I feel in my heart about 2018 and how I want to go into it. I want to feel weightless, like I do now with almost 8 inches cut off. 2017 has been a year of low lows, high highs, significant life changes, new norms, adjustments, figuring things out, & making mistakes along the way that have taught me a lot. I’ve made I­t­ a point throughout my teenage years to never use the word regret about the things that I’ve done or experiences I’ve had. To this day, I’ve lived that way because even if I had the chance to go back and do some things differently, I­ wouldn’t have learned what I have and known what I know now because of those “mistakes." So even though I’ve made mistakes, worried about things, figured out things about myself, and experienced a lot of different emotions and experiences, I feel like I'm at a point now where I can leave all of that behind. The weight that fell on my shoulders from the things I’ve been through in 2017 can be lifted & I can go into 2018 with a little less of a care.

I’ve also struggled with weight in a physical way this year. When you go to college, things change and so does your body. It’s not just the “freshman 15” stereotype where the 15 lbs comes from all three meals consisting of ramen noodles, stress, drinking 3-4 nights a week, & hitting up Taco Bell for a crunch wrap supreme after a night out. For me, it was more so the lifestyle changes where I went from playing volleyball & running track for years to suddenly having to “train” myself in the gym or work up the self motivation to run 3 miles everyday. It’s the different diets and ways of eating I’ve attempted to try and combat the significantly reduced physical activity in my college life. It’s the balance between “eating clean & working out” and “enjoying a meal out with friends & going to a party and being social." And honestly, with all of those changes, I’ve gained weight. Its hard for me to even be saying this because I've NEVER cared about what the number says on the scale and at the end of the day, I still really don’t. But I’ve definitely found myself beating myself up over the newfound belly fat on my lower abdomen and the cellulite that plays peek a boo on my thighs. I'm not fat. I don’t look “bad." But I look different. And it’s something I’ve struggled with. So this new year I'm making i­t­ a point to celebrate the way my body works now. Accept the fact that my metabolism isn’t as fast, I'm not as lean as I was when I ran track 5 times a week, and I can’t eat whatever I want like I used to without having it show. My lifestyle is different now, and my body has adjusted to that. I want to take care of my body, eat healthy, exercise daily, relax when need be, and also take care of my mind in the process. I am healthy and if I still don’t look like I “used to” then fuck I­t­. That’s okay. I will not let my “weight” define me, my beauty, my worth.

Weightless, like the way my hair feels after chopping 8 inches off, is how I want to live 2018. Carefree with nothing holding me back from doing what I love to do and being my authentic self. How do you want to live 2018?