The Misconception of Moving On
I've come to realize that there's this prominent misconception of moving on. Often times when people talk about moving on, they talk about it with an end goal in mind: to be moved on. While being moved on is what we all strive for after times of hardship, struggle, loss, and more, we don't acknowledge that the process of moving on is the true achievement.
We are so hard on ourselves. If we've just been through a trying time, we constantly try and do things to get through it, to pick ourselves back up, and run towards the light at the end of the tunnel. However, moving on isn't just a straight shot sprint. It's not just a steady uphill climb; no, moving on is like an American Ninja Warrior obstacle course. You may have gotten through the unstable bridges and the flying bars, but when you're finally standing at the bottom of the warped wall, you're probably going to get knocked down on your 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd attempts. We are so quick to get angry with ourselves when we get knocked down, though. Let me tell you something, just because you had 2 weeks of good days and optimistic thoughts does not mean you're going to wake up tomorrow morning with rainbows outside your window and pixie dust falling out of your ears. That would be really cool, but if you have pixie dust falling from your ears you should probably go see a doctor. My point is that there is always a chance that you may wake up feeling like absolute shit. Bad days are a part of the process of moving on and just because "you've been doing so well lately" does not mean you are suddenly immune to them.
Everyone’s goal is to have moved on from a situation/person/place, but let's not forget that the process of moving on is in and of itself a goal too. Moving on means you’re accepting that there are going to be times when you feel on top, and times when you feel like you’re right back at the bottom where you started. it's about being aware of that, acknowledging when you're just having a bad day instead of beating yourself up over it and not giving yourself any credit for all of the progress you have made despite how you're feeling right now.
Sometimes one of the most daunting things about moving on is where to begin. Have you ever had a friend say to you, "I want to move on, I just don't know how to?" Yeah, we've all been there. I think the reason it's so confusing for people is because there's not one right answer. There's no common starting point or one right way for how someone should move on. That being said, I think once we accept that moving on is a process and not just something that happens over night or a switch you can flip, things will start becoming more clear. You’ll be so much closer to getting over the hump.
The realist in me believes that we never completely reach the point of "moved on", but even so, I think that’s beautiful. Just like our accomplishments stay with us our whole life, so do our struggles. They build us, give us perspective, shape who we are, influence our decisions, and at times, bring us back down to reality. Our hardships ground us in a way. They don’t let you forget where you started or how far you’ve come. So be patient with yourself, acknowledge the process, see the beauty in it, and keep moving on. You might not ever get over the hump or be 100% "moved on", but you'll be in such a better place when you realize that that's okay and that's fucking life. Pardon my french, I felt that last part needed an emphasize.